Instant Whips and Dream Toppings
Excerpt from Jacky Donovan!
- about my first sexual encounter:
My boyfriend Will asked me once if I wanted to “do it”, which was nice of him, but I declined. I knew where babies came from – I was sixteen and hanging with a rock star for God’s sake – but as for the ins and outs of “it” and the very real truth, as I was later to discover, that “it” can be wonderful, I didn’t have a clue. I’d flicked through the A to Z of Sex at the all girls’ school I’d unfortunately been awarded a scholarship to, yet the only information I gleaned from it was that an orgasm was “an involuntary reaction – a bit like sneezing.” Consequently, every time somebody blessed me, I wondered if it was because I’d had a big O. So, unfortunately for willing Will, both my flesh and spirit were too weak for any “doing” of “it”.
The first guy who did eventually manage to persuade me to “do it” was a guy my two brothers chose to nickname “Pongo”. I never did find out why they bestowed the name Pongo on him because he didn’t smell; if anything, they should have called him “Quicko”. He possessed a remarkable double-edged sword: incapable of wielding it and waving it around for longer than a few seconds, yet more than ready and willing to spring back into action and thrust it at me again and again. Sometimes we’d end up playing seven or eight games of Excalibur a night. Not that I’m comparing myself to a stone.
He also opened my eyes, ears and every other part of my anatomy to sex and just how adventurous and exciting it could be. And when I say “ears”, I do actually mean it, because he used to love coming in them. The first time he did it was on Valentine’s Day, almost deafening me in the process and not because of his groan of pleasure. I couldn’t hear him for one. What a romantic present to give to a seventeen-year-old sexual novice such as I: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I love your ears, and this is for you.” Er, pardon? So that was one of many of Pongo’s “things”. I never did ask him what he got out of it, but, to this day, I can’t use those cotton wool buds on blue plastic sticks without chuckling.
Jacky's Bio: I spent two thirds of my life conforming as a conscientious student, a successful career woman and as a loyal and devoted Stepford-like girlfriend and wife before a highly successful career as one of London’s most sought-after Dominatrixes with an extensive client list ranging from 18 to 83 years old and including many high profile businessmen and MPs, well-known TV personalities and even a pregnant woman.
Over recent years Jacky has: trekked to see Mount Everest; tandem jumped from a tiny plane; been on Canarian TV due to my crazy long fingernails; run a lesbian dining club; had a cream cake throwing session with a famous MP; put a Smarties tube where it really wasn’t meant to go; escaped from a yoga holiday in a dinghy; organised Gay Pride Gran Canaria; run swingers cruises; performed an entertainment act with a bullwhip in a lesbian club and put on and lost a combined 45 stones throughout.
My boyfriend Will asked me once if I wanted to “do it”, which was nice of him, but I declined. I knew where babies came from – I was sixteen and hanging with a rock star for God’s sake – but as for the ins and outs of “it” and the very real truth, as I was later to discover, that “it” can be wonderful, I didn’t have a clue. I’d flicked through the A to Z of Sex at the all girls’ school I’d unfortunately been awarded a scholarship to, yet the only information I gleaned from it was that an orgasm was “an involuntary reaction – a bit like sneezing.” Consequently, every time somebody blessed me, I wondered if it was because I’d had a big O. So, unfortunately for willing Will, both my flesh and spirit were too weak for any “doing” of “it”.
The first guy who did eventually manage to persuade me to “do it” was a guy my two brothers chose to nickname “Pongo”. I never did find out why they bestowed the name Pongo on him because he didn’t smell; if anything, they should have called him “Quicko”. He possessed a remarkable double-edged sword: incapable of wielding it and waving it around for longer than a few seconds, yet more than ready and willing to spring back into action and thrust it at me again and again. Sometimes we’d end up playing seven or eight games of Excalibur a night. Not that I’m comparing myself to a stone.
He also opened my eyes, ears and every other part of my anatomy to sex and just how adventurous and exciting it could be. And when I say “ears”, I do actually mean it, because he used to love coming in them. The first time he did it was on Valentine’s Day, almost deafening me in the process and not because of his groan of pleasure. I couldn’t hear him for one. What a romantic present to give to a seventeen-year-old sexual novice such as I: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I love your ears, and this is for you.” Er, pardon? So that was one of many of Pongo’s “things”. I never did ask him what he got out of it, but, to this day, I can’t use those cotton wool buds on blue plastic sticks without chuckling.
Jacky's Bio: I spent two thirds of my life conforming as a conscientious student, a successful career woman and as a loyal and devoted Stepford-like girlfriend and wife before a highly successful career as one of London’s most sought-after Dominatrixes with an extensive client list ranging from 18 to 83 years old and including many high profile businessmen and MPs, well-known TV personalities and even a pregnant woman.
Over recent years Jacky has: trekked to see Mount Everest; tandem jumped from a tiny plane; been on Canarian TV due to my crazy long fingernails; run a lesbian dining club; had a cream cake throwing session with a famous MP; put a Smarties tube where it really wasn’t meant to go; escaped from a yoga holiday in a dinghy; organised Gay Pride Gran Canaria; run swingers cruises; performed an entertainment act with a bullwhip in a lesbian club and put on and lost a combined 45 stones throughout.
Bonus Interview Questions:
NR: How
do you draw your readers into the stories you’re telling?
Jacky: Humour
is one of my favourite tools. Making people relax and laugh is a powerful
magnet. I also love to drop some historical context in en route so that the
reader can visualise what was happening at that time and associate it with
whatever they were doing back then. For example, the UK’s Princess Diana dies
just as I embark on my rollercoaster of an affair so, while people are mourning
the tragic end to such a short life, my own situation is blossoming. I’m passionate about music too so there are
numerous musical references along the way that different people associate with depending
on their age and taste in music.
NR: Is
your book aimed at men or women?
Jacky: It’s
there for anyone who has the curiosity to read about someone else’s life.
Interestingly the reviews I’ve had are from a mixture of men and women,
heterosexual and gay, young adults and older people. So it seems to appeal to an
extremely wide audience. And as the content covers so many different avenues and
is very quirky, it’s definitely not only aimed at people who’re interested in
BDSM. In fact most reviews to date have been from people who have no interest
in that aspect at all.
Contest:
I’m
currently interested in hearing funny stories about either dogs, cats, rabbits
or rats! Please send me YOUR quirky story to jackydonovan@aol.com and the reader
whose tale I find funniest or most bizarre will receive a *** FREE *** kindle
copy of my autobiography AND have have their story mentioned in a future book I
intend to write, along with their name in the acknowledgements section.
Jacky...wow, the ears - it did make me laugh also *shakes head* what was he thinking??
ReplyDeleteYour book sounds fascinating...the stuff you've got in experience can write mountains of books: ) Impressive...I absolutely love when humor is in the mix too. Thanks for sharing, Jacky - congratulations on your success also.